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When I became a mom I experienced more joy than ever before.
From the first listen of my son’s heartbeat in my womb to holding him in my arms after 30 hours of labor, I beamed with a love I’d never known. It’s a pretty common occurrence for moms and dads. People who don’t normally weep, cry like babies themselves. The hardest of hearts soften with the first coos and gurgles. And that smell! The best perfumer on the planet could not touch the brilliance of that scent with a thousand foot pole.
But, once the joy and elation (and the pain meds) wear off you’re left with the rest of it. The fear, stress, uncertainty, and sleepless nights to name a few. Normalcy and sanity seem to fly out the window along with showers. And you can forget about putting on a sexy bra or lipstick or heels. I was so swollen from pregnancy and surgery and breastmilk it would be a year before I squeezed myself back into a sexy anything.
I wanted to get back in those heels though.
Even if just for a few hours on a date with my husband. I wanted to put on something fetching and not have breastmilk leak all over it. I wanted to feel wanted but had little to no energy to make it all happen. It was an exhausting and fleeting thought to get dolled up, have sex, and be anything more than a milk bag for my son. So I went on being a mom and going back to work and leaving nothing for my husband or for myself.
I wondered though, how many millions (or billions) never found their way back to themselves? How many have stayed in the sweatpants and in the friend (or enemy) zone with their partners? How many have lost touch with their dreams and desires? How many have sacrificed their own mojo for motherhood?
I didn’t want to fall farther away from myself than I already had. I needed to find a way to be a great mom and be great to myself and to the other aspects of my life. I needed to find my way back to my groove.
That’s when I met my BFFs.
These three have become my best friends and mentors. They have lit the way to greater joy in my life. They are my trusty guides to groove town and back to myself.
Balance. Freedom. Fun.
Balance is vital. It’s the yin and yang of the universe and absolutely necessary. I realized I needed to balance the energy flowing in and out of my mind and body. I needed to replenish everything I was giving out to my son. I had to give up the perfectly neat house in exchange for a perfectly rumpled roll in the hay with my man. It can be really hard to find balance throughout your life. It’s not something measured on a day-to-day basis, but rather on a larger scale, over less specific time. It’s something you need to feel out and pull close.
Freedom from unwanted mental, emotional and physical baggage lightens your load and gets you into your flow. There tends to be a lot of focus on what we don’t have. Maybe you don’t have a million dollars or a beautiful, loving spouse. Or, maybe you don’t have a dream job or
Fun and the joy that goes along with it is your birthright and makes life a hell of a lot better. What good is being alive if you can’t enjoy it? Having fun can take work. Sounds counter-intuitive, right? But, we need to rail against the norms that say adults need to grow up and be serious. Who says an adult can’t be equally responsible and ridiculous? Shouldn’t it be the very thing of adulthood to be able to make that decision for yourself? You have to decide not to accept that the fun ends when you turn 18, or 21, or whatever age you think adulthood begins. You have to work on keeping the fun in your life when the rest of the adults around you go to sleep and
With the help of my
I encourage you to make friends with these three. They’ll always be there for you, as long as you pay attention to them. Listen when they need you. And always remember who your truest and best friend is above all: YOU.
Do you have other BFFs like Balance, Freedom and Fun that guide your way? Or do you struggle with befriending one or more of these? Share in the comments below!